The Next Poster Story...

It's been a few days since anything happened here, so I'm bumping, and giving a fist bump to whoever wants it.

I'll claim the fist bump, and give the next poster a hearty thumbs up.

I claim the hearty thumbs up and give the next poster an enthusiastic high five

I accept the enthusiastic high five and offer the next poster a hug that lasts about a second too long and leaves us both feeling slightly uncomfortable but like we share a bond now.

I'll take the hug, but I love hugs, and so I'll get really into it and make you confused even though you're the one that started it.

Next poster gets a manly headbutt of respect.

I'll stagger from the headbutt of respect and dazidly give the next poster a grudging nod of approval.

I will grudgingly accept the head nod and will give a passionate fist bump to the next poster.

I'll take the fist bump and move my hand upward slowly whilst going "Bada-lada-lada-la" in a slightly bemused fashion :D.

I'll stare at Ameena without quite comprehending what she's doing, and launch myself at the next poster in an attempt to catch them in a tackly bear-hug. 

I stagger from the bear hug, and provide the next poster with a super secret and exclusive handshake

I fluff the handshake and go for an awkward high five with the next poster.

I miss the high five and awkwardly bump elbows instead.  I wink knowingly at the next poster.

I see the wink, and blanch. Does Arcanist Lupus know my secret? I can't take the chance. I turn away suddenly and stick out my hand to shake which ever poster's hand is next.

I hold your handshake for far too long and then bow at the next poster

I accept your solemn bow and then walk around playing air guitar hoping someone will join me.

I jump in and start wailing on air guitar so hard that the scene fades into us air guitar-rocking a giant audience of screaming fans as we double solo and rock the entire known universe into a peaceful utopia.

It then fades back to us awkwardly air guitaring back to back by the fountain at the mall while everyone stares.

I sheepishly walk away, waving slightly to the next poster.

I half wave back, not sure if you're waving at me or the poster behind me. Then I trip and awkwardly fall over the next poster.

Little did you know that was me tabletopping you. I was pushing you backwards to trip over the next poster. I then hightail it, hollering at said next poster

I hear your holler as I wonder how I can get a forum badge for starting chain reactions on threads.

I express these thoughts as a breakdance of greeting to the next poster.

I am moved to tears by the beauty of your breakdance of greeting and drag over the next poster to join me in witnessing this magnificent expression of welcoming acknowlegment, but inexplicably get distracted before you've finished and challenge them to a thumb-wrestling competition instead.

I thumb-wrestle long and hard with Silverleaf. The match features deceit, treachery, every trick and gambit in the thumb-wrestling book. In the end though, Silverleaf triumphs, and slinking away I grudgingly pass £20 to the next poster, who had bet on my opponent.

I refuse to accept the £20.  Your struggle against the unrelenting power of your opponent, as she slowly but surely counters your every trick has moved me to new heights of emotion.  I compose a new symphony in your honor, with solos for the bassoon, celeste, and accordion.  I bow solemnly towards you, then turn and yellow rock the next poster.

I am blown away by your yellow rock and decide to compose a symphony of my own. Unfortunately, I lack real musical talent and just pay the next poster twenty bucks to do it for me.

I grab the money and make a dash to the concession stand.  I buy a funnel cake for the next poster. 

I try to eat the funnel cake through a funnel, leading to all sorts of messy fun!

I hand my pants over to the next poster to dry clean.

I take your pants and keep them to make up for the money that Powerhound took. I will contract the next poster to hunt down Powerhound to get my money for him in a dramatic fashion.

I am alarmed at this Sudden Contract.  But I pull out my trusty Compound Bow and start hunting for The Ultimate Target.  I find him quitely sitting quitely by a little brook a'gurglin', and listening to a little village chime.

My feelings I with difficulty smother, and I take careful aim at Powerhound.  But before I fire I suddenly remember - I'm not here to kill him, I'm just supposed to get the money he stole.  Feeling a bit sheepish, I put down my bow and take out my Neuro-Toxin Dart Thrower.  I take aim again, and fire.  But Powerhound senses his danger and dodges - right into the path of my second dart!  This one hits him squarely on the arm.  He staggers backwards and falls into the little brook, where he starts floating away.  Fortunately, it is a very little brook, and he doesn't get very far before I grab him and haul him onto the bank.  As I search his pockets for the money, I find a particularly interesting object.  I return the money to Nielzabub, and leave the object for the next poster to find.

Well, I decide to take the object as well as the money. It is a magical zipper that fit perfectly on the pants I took from Matchstickman and didn't dry clean. I attach the zipper, and try to put on the pants to see what powers they now have, but they do not fit me. I decide to give Matchstickman his pants back, but I cannot find him, so I just leave the magically augmented pants in the dry cleaner for the next poster to find.

I find the pants, but they do not fit me either, so I leave them for the next poster and continue on my way.

Feeling groggy I find the pants and put them on over my current pants foolishly thinking they fit alright.  Jumping with glee the button comes off and launches at the next poster.  

The pants button lands in my mug of delicious decaf earl grey, thus infecting it with pants cooties and rendering it completely undrinkable. In a thirsty rage I smash the mug to the ground and the cootie-infested tea makes the floor perilously slippery for the next poster.

On my daily casual stroll, I don't notice the slippery floor, and procede to slide, and eventually fall. I rage slightly before I get over it and carry on my way. However, being too lazy to actualy clean it, I just leave a warning and a mop bucket for the next poster

I come across the warning and mop bucket completely unaware of how my actions have led to this moment. Still, for some reason, I'm contemplating karma. Maybe I should do this random good thing to make the world a better place. Screw that! I hide the sign and take the mop, but I end up slipping on the puddle and fall unconscious. The next poster will find my unconscious self with the mop laying on top of me.

I remove the handle of the mop and create a nice wig for your unconscious body. I skip merrily away after leaving a sign instructing the next poster to take a picture.

I take a picture of slaaneshi611 merrily skipping away.

I ask the next poster to help me search Nielzabub's body for my pants

Still a bit groggy I see Matchstickman searching a body.  Since the  2nd set of pants aren't staying up because of the missing button I slip in the puddle as well and decide to take the pants off figuring I'm better off without them. I ask Matchstickman if he would like these pants instead.   Covered in this slime now I ask the next poster to help me find a new set of clean clothes. 

I wake up and shake with fear as I think Powerhound is here for revenge, but alas, he does not recognize me in this mop wig that I guess I put on at some point. Go me. I help Powerhound find a second pair of clothes and then temporarily leave the story allowing the next poster to tie up any loose plot threads that are hanging or to create more complications.

I decide to enter in order to narrate the last part, but accidentally end up breaking the fourth wall. Embarassed, I decided to look around and find somebody to help me repair it. Dragging the next poster against his will to assist me in my quest

I get dragged in to fix the fourth wall. I start working, but when VisforYoshi's back is turned I realise that the fourth wall is, like, connected up to everything. Oh man, oh man oh man oh man.

"One, two, three, four." I release Silverleaf's thumb, which was pinned beneath my own, graciously thanking my very worthy opponent as I turn to shoot a winning smile at my banks of cheering fans. Powerhound and Nielzabub's pants-stealing antics fade into the background, as I stroll away from Silverleaf, Arcanist Lupus' "Symphony for Awesome for Bassoon, Celeste and Accordion" swelling in the background.

Next poster gets to be my plucky comic relief sidekick.

That's definitely me.

Next poster gets to be on the wall, as an actual poster (See, I can be funny, please let me be your sidekick. I'll dye my hair blue and wear a meerkat costume and everything).

Thanks to Meerkat's fourthwall breaking, this entire thread got rebooted. Meerkat and Matchstickman live together and I'm a magical poster that comes to life to help them out every so often. The next poster gets to decide the premise of the show Meerkat and Matchstickman have rebooted/spun off into.

I decide to make it a buddy cop show where Meerkat is an anthropomorphic meerkat and Matchstickman is a guy dressed up as a blue meerkat. I'll leave it to the next poster to tell of the grisly murder that took place to bring them together.

The murder was gruesome indeed.  A young woman was thrown from the top of the Empire State Building.  A rope was tied around each of her limbs.  Very long ropes indeed - they were almost, but not quite, long enough to reach the ground.  The next poster shall decide who was murdered.

Ronway was murdered. The primary suspect is Pydro. The next poster gets to insert themselves into the story.

Unfortunatley I was there to witness the even. I did my best to avoid being seen but couldn't stifle my last gasp in time. As the dark figure turned his too blurry to see face in my direction (it was too rainy to make out who it was), I knew I had a problem. Running through my life, I tried to do whatever I could to escape the pursuer. I tipped trash cans, hurled cinderblocks, and lept over a brick wall in an otherwise dead end alley. Unfortunatley, all in vein, however a lucky blackout helped me sneak away, desperate for a hiding place I quickly pounded the door of the next poster, asking them to help me hide from the killer, who's crosshairs were now on me.

Awoken from a nap I angrily open the door with the thought of hitting whomever disturbed my slumber.   I launch myself at VisForYoshi and completely miss.   Out in the open I'm shot by the dark figure.   I tell the next poster something with my last few breaths.  

Between this show's pilot and first episode, they decided to ditch the magic poster idea, and I've been brought back on as a series regular. I hold Powerhound's body and cry in anguish. In his last few breaths, he tells me that his killer was probably a dude. I use this incident to live my long deferred dream of being a superhero and take to the streets to find this dude that killed some mook I didn't know very well. The next poster is the first person I try to save.

I am grateful for the rescue attempt. My initial forays into unicycling end badly and I would have careened into the next poster were it not for the rescue.

Deeply focused on the trail of the killer, I don't see the unicycle coming until it's almost upon me. It certainly would have hit me if it wasn't for Nielzabub.

"Thanks, kid," I say, brushing myself off. "Say, haven't I seen you around before?"

Before he can answer, another gunshot rings out through the night. I swivel, keen meerkat senses zeroing in on the direction from which the sound came, then sprinting after it, Matchstickman and Nielzabub hot on my heels. The dark and the rain make it hard to see where we're going, and we barely keep our footing on the treacherous ground, but eventually we find the spot where the gun was fired... and the next poster.

As we see my dead body on the street, I am filled with a lot of confusion. Something's not right here. The next poster is the therapist I see to work out my existential crisis.

I explain to Nielzabub how all of his issues are caused by his Oedipus complex.  After Nielzabub walks out yelling that I'm a charalatan, I close my doors and open a therapist style lemonade stand.  I offer advice for a nickel to the next poster along with a nice ice cold lemonade.  

Coming out of hiding, I decide to accept the help, still traumatized by the day before where the murderer tried to hunt me down and shoot me. I give powerhound a very shiny nickel, but dont really feel like his advice helpped that much. Walking down the street, not feeling too much better,I run into the next poster who grabs me by the arms and tells me in a slightly itallian accent "There you are, the boss wants to see you and talk about what you've seen him do"

I've been practicing my Italian accent, so I was trying it out on Vis.  I lead him to the cubicle where my boss is.  On seeing him, my boss says, "I don't remember what I did yesterday to get into that website.  You were there.  What did I do?"  But before Vis can reply, gunshots ring out!  There's screaming!  Panic Pandemonium!  When the dust clears, only one person is still standing.  That's the next poster.

After Powerhound was unable to help me, I decided to get some ice cream and retire from fighting crime as a superhero. Unfortunately, my nemesis had other plans. He showed up and fired gunshots destroying my ice cream. Panic ensued and everyone left. I had known of my nemesis. We met on the superhero/supervillain chat boards, but this was our first meeting, and he/she is the next poster.

Man I hate that Nielzabub, "I'm so cool I fight crime and have a cool name."  Jerk.  Showed up and fired some blanks today, face time ya know.  So everyone runs and the great Neilzabub is all "I'll just stand here and drool like the worst hero ever."

But then the news is all "Neilzabub, you are so brave, you stayed there and chased off the villain."  Idiots!  Wait till they get a load of my Abomination, The Next Poster!

(maniacal laughter)

What, you thought an anthropomorphic meerkat with blue fur just sort of happened?

Phanta is... well, more of a father than a creator. He uplifted me, gave me many new skills, and asked for nothing in return. I was drawn to the light, turned to crime-fighting, and then Phanta asked me to take him under my wing, show him the ropes. So I did. I didn't ask why.

Now Phanta's asked me to help kill him.

I am in full-on angst mode now. My creator or my assistant? My friend... or my father?

I sit on a park bench, head held in my hands. The next poster is the stranger who sits down next to me and offers some sage advice.

I sit down in the park bench.  My advice said in my best Napolean Dynamite impersonation is "Just follow your heart.   That's what I do".   I pat BlueHairedMeerKat on the back and head on my way.   The next poster doesn't see me and knocks me over when they walk into me.  

"Whoops! Sorry!" I exclaim, good-naturedly hauling Powerhound upright and patting him on the back. After he's out of sight, I pull my other hand out of my pocket. Powerhound's car keys dangle from my index finger. I chuckle to myself.

I walk around aimlessly, occasionally pushing the unlock button, until I hear a cheerful "boop, BOOP!" echoing along the city street. I follow the breadcrumb trail of "BOOP"s until I'm standing next to a first-run Tesla Roadster. "Awesome, and eco-resposible!" I grin, and "BOOP" my way into the driver's seat.

The car takes off instantly, pressing me into the seat cushions. But I'm disappointed in the electric motor's lack of noise.

"BVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVRRRRRRRRRMMMM!" I onomatopoeia loudly, to compensate. "vvvvvvvvvvVVVVVVVRRRRRM vvvvvvrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMM!"

As I blast down the highway making "vroom" noises in the otherwise silent car cabin, I wake up the next poster, who was dozing in the rear seat.

I'm not entirely sure how I ended up here. I thought I was taking a nap in my ultra cool eco friendly motorcycle. It's at this moment that I remember I'm broke and don't actually have that.

It's at this moment that I also realize that the bike is being stolen. I stand to deliver a "Stop villain or I will stop you" speech, but I forgot that the laws of physics were a thing, and as I stand up, I fall out of the bike.

The next poster finds my mangled, broken body.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

I exclaim as the broken, mangled body lands at my feet.

"Now I have to get this Meerkat costume dry cleaned to get the blood this inconsiderate person leaked all over my costume"

Conveniently located right next to where I'm standing is a shop that I think says Dry Cleaners (some of the letters of the sign have .allen o.f)

Who was running this (possible) Dry Cleaners but the next poster...

Matchstickman is very confused when comes in and sees me working at the Dry Cleaners. I tell him that I'm simply a twin. In truth, I'm a remnant from the rebooted thread who's very angry that his universe was destroyed. I dry clean Matchstickman's costume, but also give him his pants from the previous universe. Soon, the real conflict will begin. The next poster gets to walk in on me laughing maniacally.

"That's my line you pusillanimous mass of pulchritude!  I get to do the evil laugh!  Me!"  I scream, my voice cracking, "You'll be hearing from my lawyer!"

I burst out the door, tears streaming down my face.  "I never should have agreed to be a nemesis over the internet" suddenly i bump into something furry, and looking up see my baby, my beautiful blue abomination.

I start to give it a nice pet behind the ear when it's head comes off.  "A costume?" I stumble backwards confused, slip on a pool of blood and crash into the non-abomination in front of me, knocking us both down on top of a familiar looking body, and a strange pair of pants goes flying through the air, the world swirls around me, and just before losing consciousness I see the pants fall on the next poster.

The pants fall on the mangled body on this unvierse's version of myself. Somehow the pants restored me. I see both Matchstickman and Phantaskippy on the ground. I put the pants on Matchstickman because somehow, I know it just feels right. I check on my nemesis to see if he's all right, and he seems to be. I look through the window and see my nega self and decide I'm not even going to touch this one.

In order to process the events of the day I go to my favorite pizza bar\game store that is owned by the next poster.

Unfortunately, it had been closed minutes earlier to a terrible and sickening incident involving a candy floss machine, three marbles, the dice roller from a Yahtzee set and two small birds. You find me giving a statement to a policeman while the next poster robs the store behind my oblivious head.

Having gone broke giving advice to others and having lost my car keys I decide maybe a pizza will calm me.  However, upon entering the establishment I notice my wallet is missing too.  So this turns me to a life of crime and I decide to rob the pizza parlor.  The next poster sees me in an alley counting the cash blissfully ignorant of my surroundings. 

As I continue zooming down the highway, going “vvvvRRRROOOOM” aloud for hours on end, it dawns on me: I got away!

It doesn’t feel right.

I stop and drum my fingers on the steering wheel, then decide that, what the heck, this was fun and all but maybe I’ll just give the car back.

I turn around and drive back to the city. I try to find guy I spotted the car keys from, and hey! There he is! Powerhound is in an alley, fiddling with something.

I jump out of the car, shouting “hey, man!”

He looks back, furtively.

“I got your keys! Cool car!”

“Where’s my Nielzabub?” He asks me.

“Huh?”

“I left him in the back seat,” explains Powerhound.

“Oh,” I say, “I couldn’t hear anything over my vroom noises.”

Feeling like this is getting weird, I sidle away. Suddenly, the next poster taps me on the shoulder.

Hoping nobody recognizes me in my brilliant disguise of a sombrero, poncho and sunglasses, I decide to try out my disguise on some people who recognized me before. When I thought I had them fooled, one of the three recognized my voice. Sighing, I figured it would be for the best if I completley redo my costume. I decide to scrap the design and special order a new one online. This time it's a Handlebar mustache, some spurred boots, and a ten gallon hat. I wait in hiding for 2-4 days for the delivey to arrive, and I decide to put on my disguise and my newly bought voice adjuster that I cleverly hid in the mustache. I decide to test it out by asking the next poster for directions to the nearest saloon

Dismayed by the lack of pizza, I decide to go to my other haunt to relax, the ice cream parlor themed bowling alley. A strange man with a high pitch voice asks me for directions to a saloon. He is just generally creeping me out with his sex offender costume and high pitched voice. I scream, "I need an adult!" and run away. As I run, I see a group of undercover cops arrest the strange man. The next poster is sitting next to VisforYoshi in the back of the police car.

Unfortunatley due to some sort of paradox from the crash caused by me breaking the fourth wall last series, I ended up in a police car with myself from another series/plotline. He got arrested for disturbing the peace by dropping a package full of fireworks on the sidewalk on a day that was too hot, the heat from the pavement was enough to have all of them go off simultaneosly and set the local pizza bar on fire. I got set free due to a mistake which I promised never to do again, but the other me was not so lucky. Then after I fell and hit my head on a bench at the local park it hit me: The shutdown from last series that I caused probably had more paradoxs than that. Then I remember when looking straight into the cracks of the broken forth wall, there was a version of me that was a mafia Don Could this be the killer that the two trust detectives were after? Could I be running from myself? Terrified, I started going slightly frantinc, but calm down and try to gather my thoughts. After a while of remembering what happened, I realized that the Don had an assistant. After rememebring the face, I immediatly run to the next poster in order to tell them that what the them from another plotline has been up to

Egads! So I have to fight... myself?

Well, no. I have to fight a VisforYoshi from another universe (after returning this universe's Yoshi to the police car; crime doesn't pay, kids), who has a me as an assistant. My head hurts already.

Still, if I'm going to stop this I'm going to need something to help me move through dimensions. Fortunately, I know just the poster...

Or, at least, you thought you did. After my last establishment was closed, my funds are nil. Only able to offer you a fortune cookie and an overripe banana, I bid you good luck as I turn and walk into a ladder being carried by the next poster.

Once again explaining to the judge that I technically did nothing wrong, I once again am able to leave the police station/courthouse and once again continue on my way. I decided to lie low for a while and take up a job running a ladder back and forth between town. Nobody explained why I had to walk with the same ladder in a full circle, but even if I was getting nothing productive done, pay is still pay. Today I accidentally hit some guy with the ladder. Not wanting to be sued (and deal with the cops AGAIN) I decide to rush on over and help this person that fell on the floor. After about 5 minutes of apologizing and $5 to let him get a drink and some ice cream (or whatever he really wanted to get, I really didn't care) I decide to once again move the ladder. After a hard day of work, I decide to return to my hiding spot, which is a secret room hidden in an alley by a recently closed pizza resteraunt. Living off of nothing but the discarded hot dogs from the gas station across the street, I managed to scrape by and keep myself from getting caught by anybody out to kill me. One of these days, I found a hidden box right next to a dumpster filled nearly to the brim with cranberry juice. withough hesitation, I driink alose all of it within one sitting and returned to my hiding place. An hour later, I learned that that box was actually a secret stash of cranberry juice that I ended up drinking. I learned that the owner of the stash was the next poster eavedropping from my hiding spot as he made his usual detour to check on his cranbery juice

In addition to Matchstickman's pants, NegaNielzabub's vague, dangerous, and complicated plan to do something also requires a certain amount of cranberry juice at the right age. I have just a sample that I have hidden behind a dumpster when...what? Someone drank it? You fool! You don't know what you've done.

I chase off VisforYoshi with a broom and go out desperately searching for cranberry juice. My negaversion procures it from the next poster.