Fishing for puns, jokes, and other silliness

<Split from Some Quick-and-Dirty Wrath of the Cosmos Thougths>

Leave the porpoises out of it.

Please don't fish for puns

This is neither the time not the plaice for sea-related puns.

There is always a time and place for fishing.

High noon, middle of the desert?

On the other hand, phishing should never be encouraged.

And if you only fish for very short periods of time, all you'll catch is microfiche.

Who needs fish when you have ghoti.

Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day.  Set a man on fish, and you feed him for the rest of his life.

Give a man a fish, and he can eat for a day. Give a fish a man, and he can eat for weeks!*

*Assuming an appropriately large man and an appropriately small fish. Because explaining jokes makes them funnier.

Give a whale a man, and he'll end up with a throat.  But you must particularly remember the suspenders!

I see we got split from the main fish.

This makes me very… 

(Octo)pissed off.  Ha!  You thought I was going to say 'Crabby', didn't you!

The mods are very effishient like that.

Something fishy is going on here. On a very grand scale. Don't think I don't sea what's going on in here.

These pun threads are a ray of light in my otherwise dreary existence.

Oh, angling for the subtle puns, are we?

Fixed that for you

Not all rays are stingrays, y'know, and I like my puns subtle. Still, it's fun to discus fish!

Also fun to eat fish.

And even more fun to cat fish!

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

No eye-deer!

Oh wait.  Wrong joke.

Visually impaired?

Well you wouldn't call them a See bass.

Fsh

What do you call a cow that can’t give milk?

Winner!

A Milkless non-Aquatic interloper that needs to find its own thread.

Talk about your Udder Failures.

A cow?

Winner!

Oh my Cod. Aren't you guys fin-ished yet?

It's spelled cow, but it's pronounced. . .

Hehe

Funny joke, that is 1.

I want to share a secret.

I sing in choirs, and am often asked to sing religious music. I'm cool with this despite my atheism, since I figure pop singers aren't usually singing literal personal truth either. I'm pretty sure that Kylie Minogue has never been murdered by Nick Cage. Acting is part of singing.

But I sometimes amuse myself by substituting "cod" for "God". No one can tell, and it pleases me in an extremely childish way.

Doesnt really work in Latin though.

Throat-warbler Mangrove.


This joke never grows old.  Quite often someone says something serious and I laugh, and they have no clue it's because I'm imagining this joke.

I know, I love this one. Did I ever tell you I met Michael Palin?

I'm not familiar with this joke.  Could you explain it to me, as a sacrifice to the ziggurat?

I loved Micheal Palin's around the world in 80 days, that was a great show.  How did you meet him?

Not terribly exciting, it was at a book signing. He's a really nice guy.

I'm just unnecessarily proud to have shaken the hand of one of the Pythons. Incidentally he was born about 10 miles away from my home town.

I'm also boastful that I've had a drink with Craig Charles (Lister from Red Dwarf), who signed my breast (his idea). Also a nice guy, very funny and friendly.

My dad's friend and bandmate wrote Every Sperm is Sacred...