Two Countries Divided by a Common Language

Split from this thread: https://greaterthangames.com/forum/topic/beacon-5058

I'm afraid I'm not fluent in American, and in fact barely remember any of it from my schooldays since I've had little chance to use it - we Brits are culturally obliged to communicate with foreigners exclusively by speaking loudly, repeating ourselves even louder, missing out words, expansive and confusing hand gestures, and invading their country.

But hey, let's give it a whirl.

"My friend… you know friend?" points at self "She small. Small. SMALL. Like little girl. LITTLE." indicates height of said friend, then mimes rocking a baby "She same as…" aside, to companion "What do Americans measure weight with? Handguns? Cows? Skeins? I don't bloody know, do I?" smiles patiently at confused foreigner "Same as five, FIIIIVE," shows hand "HUNDRED. HUN DRED. Burger. You have burger in America? Yes?" rubs stomach "Burger good! We like burger! So she five hundred burger, but she get SEVEN AND HALF HUNDRED burger! Many burger! Friend strong, good friend. STRONG." raises fist to sky "Oh bugger it, this isn't working. He's no idea what I'm saying at all. That's the American education system for you, bless them. They think they can run their country themselves, aren't they sweet?

Let's find a pub. You know pub? You tell us where pub? PUUUUB. Drink beer? Yes, puuub. Thank you. We friend now. Me buy drink you?" shakes hand vigorously

"Wait a minute, this beers's freezing, and gassy, and doesn't taste of anything! Me sorry, me invade America now, teach you make beer like English." invades country

I think I just died laughing

You win. Everything.

I am proud to come from the same country as you.

Mmmm... Burgers... I know what I am going to have to lunch!

Wow, Silverleaf has just given me flashbacks to every family holiday I've had.

Silverleaf, I have to say that, as an American proponent of the metric system, I was going to tell you not to give in to Foote's request.

I'm so glad I didn't! 

Ohh, that was brilliant  Reading that was a good way to start the day.

Much lol here - I think Silverleaf just won the Internet or something :D.

It's pretty much exactly how my dad talks to foreigners.

He hasn't invaded anywhere in a while though. 

Your father sounds like a wise and enlightened man

“Do we suppose Beacon has these kinds of interactions with the English?” Reckless asked nervously trying to get back on topic.

The derailing post in question was quite funny, though!

@Silverleaf: Bravo my dear. Bravo

*standing ovation*

@ silverleaf

That was fantastic.

That was amazing. But there’s no need to invade, we’re working on the beer problem.

Work twice as hard!

That's what the conquered people do.

Best thread retitle ever.

That was excellent, SIlverleaf!